Something To Tell
by Tree23
Summary: "Mom, there's something I want to tell you." Rick and Alexis have just returned home from their harrowing experience in Paris. Martha and Kate have waited as patiently as they could for their return. And now, there are stories to tell. Post 'Target' and 'Hunt' mostly AU with a few canon 'flashbacks'.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Several months ago, ****_heypiasano_**** gave me a story idea: What happened after Castle and Alexis returned from Paris? The minute I got it in my head, my brain went on instant overdrive (was actually up till 3am writing that night, and for several nights after). And then I put it down to complete other stories. I've worked on it bit by bit as the inspiration struck, and after several re-watchings of Target and Hunt, and tonight I finally decided it was time to start posting. **

**This story will likely be about 7-8 chapters, much of which is already written and just needs some fine-tuning. Please note that this is based on canon and includes some flashbacks, but really the rest is just my mind wandering though an alternate universe of ****_'it totally could have happened like this...'_**

**_heypiasano - _****I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

"Mom, there's something I want to tell you." Rick Castle smiled at the look of questioning on his mother's face. She was so thrilled to have them back that she really didn't notice the way he called her 'Mom' instead of his typical 'Mother'. She also didn't notice that despite the smile on his face, the tone in his voice implied a hint of seriousness. Martha was just so glad, so relieved, to have her family back that she wasn't aware that the next words out of her son's mouth could literally change her world.

But Alexis noticed. So focussed on his mother was he, that Castle didn't discern Alexis looking up sharply, a small breath catching in her throat. She knew what he was going to say, and she wasn't so sure it was a good idea.

She had _just_ reminded him in the hallway, not a minute before making their grand entrance to the loft, that they had been instructed _not_ to share the real story of what had happened in Paris. Not with anyone. They had sat in a room with a very serious man in a very serious suit, who had warned them about the very serious ramifications of telling others what they had been through. She even felt uncomfortable talking about it with her own father, and he'd been there.

Sure, when she brought it up to her dad in the hall she had made it sound like a casual part of the conversation. Just a simple "I know we're not to supposed to talk about what really happened, but thank you, for everything." Partly she didn't think she could ever thank her father enough for coming to Paris, for tracking her down, for working with his own, previously unknown father, to save her. But really, she knew he would need the reminding.

Alexis knew her father was a storyteller and she was sure it would kill him to try to keep this story quiet for long. And then her resolve faltered, her analytical mind doing what it did best: reviewing the facts, weighing the pros and cons, deliberating. Was it really a problem to talk about it? After all, it was just Gram and Kate, and they could be trusted right? And maybe it was better for them to talk about it, just within their little family, because as strong, or maybe more aptly, as strong-willed, as she and her father could both be, Alexis knew this was something that she would be processing for a very long time. Maybe it would be better to have someone else to talk to about everything, someone with a different perspective, someone who might understand her...female...point of view.

Castle was oblivious to all of this. He just sat on the kitchen stool, staring at his mother across the island, wondering just exactly what the right words were. But regardless of the warnings of the men in the suits, of his far too practical daughter, Castle knew that this was a story he had to share. He gently fingered the pages of the book in front of him. The book that was possibly the greatest influence on his young life, on his entire life, and he hadn't even realized who had given it to him.

"This book is from my father."

It was simple. The words came to him clearly. The story of what had happened to Alexis, and to him, in Paris was complicated, the players were fierce, the dramatic finish was still ringing in his ears. But the story of his father, it could be simple. He met his father.

"What...? Richard? How could you possibly know that..." Martha was ready to laugh at the ridiculousness of his statement, of his insinuation. She glanced to Kate, expecting to share a patronizing look of 'he must still be reeling from the stress', but Kate stared blankly at Castle, her mouth slightly agape, her eyes willing him to look at her, to share what he knew. Martha's eyes sought out her granddaughter, always ready to share in a knowing 'Dad will be Dad' look, but Alexis struggled between looking nervously at her father and staring at her shoes. Finally, she looked back to her son. She raised her eyebrows, tried to smile, but as she looked into his eyes, she suddenly knew it was true.

_But how could this be?_

Her face instantly dropped and Martha fixed her son with a serious glare unlike anything any of them had ever witnessed from her. "Richard Alexander Rodgers you tell me what you are talking about right now."

Rick smiled softly back at her, the creases around his eyes deepening both from the stress of the last week, and from his efforts to set his mother's mind at ease. He briefly noted the use of his full name, somewhat appropriately taking him back in time to his childhood, but resumed his story.

"My father's name is Jackson Hunt. Well, at least that's the name he gave me, though I guess it really isn't his name." He felt Alexis reach over and place her hand lightly on his. When he glanced at her, she smiled, knowing just how important that meeting had been. No matter how often Castle had suggested that he was okay with not knowing who his father was, Alexis always felt deep down he must have a longing to unravel the mystery that surrounded him. And even though really none of his questions had been answered, just knowing his father was out there now made Castle feel as though a hole, one whose existence he had never fully appreciated, had at least partially been filled. He knew Alexis understood his need to share the story with his mother and with Kate.

"Richard, you're not making any sense. How do you know this?"

Returning his attention to his mother, Rick spoke again. "Mother, my father works for the CIA. My father is a spy." He smiled again, a hint of pride flashing in his eyes.

"Castle, is this another one of your crazy theories? Is this because of Sophia Turner?" Castle's eyes flipped quickly to Beckett at the mention of his former-muse-turned-rogue-CIA-agent.

"What? I..." Suddenly it dawned on Castle that he had not even considered Agent Turner once since Alexis had been taken. But now, with the veil lifted, his mind flashed back to the brilliantly white cavernous room in the hotel basement.

* * *

_Castle and Beckett were forced to their knees, the traitorous Agent Sophia Turner pointing her gun at them as her accomplice rushed off to set into motion the events that would cause World War III. "Don't worry, I'll make it sound heroic. Your father will be very proud."_

_Kate stared at him dumbfounded. He felt the same. _

_"My father?" His eyes trailed back to Sophia, his mind racing to put together the pieces._

_"Well, you don't think you gained access to the CIA back then because of your charm do you?"_

_He tried to make sense of the enormity of what she was saying. _My father is CIA?_ He struggled through shock, disbelief, denial. His mind spinning, his mouth forming soundless words. Really, there had been no words._

_"You really don't know do you?" Pity. Her voice dripped with pity._

_Almost in the next instant he was staring down at her lifeless body. The answers to all of his unspoken questions locked away behind silent dead eyes._

_...You really don't know do you... The words rang in his head. She knew. The whole time he had been with Sophia, she knew. And she didn't say a thing. Not. One. Thing._

* * *

Back to the present Castle refocussed on Kate's question. "No, Beckett, this has nothing to do with her. And it's not a theory. It's true." Looking back to his mother, Castle reached across the counter and took her hand in his. "Mother, my dad...I met my dad. He helped me save Alexis."

"What...?" Tears welled in the older woman's blue eyes as she looked back and forth between Alexis and Castle for confirmation. Finally, unable to speak, she locked her gaze on Kate. Gaining strength from the warm golden brown eyes staring back at her, Martha finally calmed her nerves enough to let the truth of Castle's words settle in.

Recognizing that Martha needed time to process what she was hearing, Kate spoke up on her behalf. "Maybe we should all go and sit down in the living room. Martha? Can I make you some tea?" Martha nodded in thanks as Castle stood and ushered his mother to the sofa. Alexis trailed behind, hesitation in every step.

Castle caught Kate's eye and smiled warmly. Kate felt that perhaps this was something that Castle and Martha and Alexis needed to talk about together as a family. But then he walked back to her, putting his hand on her cheek and pulling her towards him adoringly. "Kate, you don't need to stay away. You're part of this family too, you know. I want you to share this with us. I want to tell you everything."

When she looked back at him questioningly, wondering just how he knew exactly what she had been thinking, he pulled her closer and kissed her softly. It was a deep, gentle, intense kiss. It said everything to Kate that Castle's words had tried to express. _You're part of this family..._

_...Please don't do anything like that again without me..._ Kate had said those words as he clutched her tightly a few minutes ago.

_...I won't..._ he had said. And he meant it.

Pulling back finally, Kate saw in his eyes that Castle both needed and wanted her to stay near him. It had been a long few days, ones that they both needed to talk about, and she needed and wanted to stay near him too.

She raised her own hand to his cheek, mirroring his touch, and smiled. "I'll be right there. I'll just put the kettle on."

* * *

Once they had all settled in the living room, Martha, her strength and voice returned to her, spoke up. "Okay kiddo. Start from the beginning. And don't leave anything out." She waggled a finger at him and smiled, his role model for diffusing tense situations.

Castle spent the next hour going through, from his perspective, all that he had seen and done in the last few days. His decision to fly to Paris, meeting with Gaston for _un cafe_ and for information, finding Jaque Henri and his sidekick 'La Taupe', and the dungeonous underworld that was Paris' sewer system. He shared in detail, weaving together the sounds, sights and smells of Paris, throughout his tale of mystery and intrigue.

When he got to the part where he had finally found the room in which Alexis and Sara had been held, he pulled his daughter closer to him. She curled up in silence, eyes focussed on a loose thread from her shirt sleeve that was apparently fascinating, but it was obvious to them all that she was a million miles away. Or at least as many miles as Paris was from New York.

As they sat in silence, Kate, Alexis and Martha felt like Castle was reading from one of his books. It all sounded too spectacular, too impossible, too gritty to be a real life story. They were completely mesmerized and found they were holding their collective breaths when he described the double cross - Henri's act of deceit and Castle's impending death as he knelt in front of a firing squad of men in black, and not the charming Will Smith kind.

Knowing how it ended, Castle took a few liberties to set the scene. He described the swirl of the mist around the trees, the harsh echo of the guns cocking to fire, the sound of Henri's voice as he explained that the money was just too good to not walk away with it. Just when his audience was baited and ready, he described in vivid detail the next few moments, as the men in black fell to the ground one by one around him until no one was standing but he. And he was technically still kneeling.

Silence settled amidst them all, their breath coming in short bursts as they got caught up in the scene Castle had described. Looking around he wondered if maybe his storytelling was a little too good. He had gotten rather absorbed in the tale, and now the tension in the room was on the verge of suffocating. He worried that maybe he had painted too real a picture for everyone. Alexis had lived her own horror, did he really need to be telling her his? And Martha, well, she was about to hear the part of the story that could shake her to her core if he didn't handle it right. Maybe he needed to lighten the mood...but how?

Beckett looked at the two redheads flanking either side of Castle as they looked at him in terror. She was right there with them until she caught a look on Castle's face, one she had seen before, and instantly she knew.

"You had your eyes closed the whole time didn't you?" She asked with a mischievous grin on her face.

Castle snapped his eyes towards her, Alexis and Martha following suit a moment later. Kate just smiled at him until he laughed lightly back at her.

"The whole time," he admitted.

"Oh Richard..."

"Dad!"

The two women surrounding him playfully slapped his arms and admonished him with disapproving looks.

"Ow! Hey, take it easy," he laughed. He caught Beckett's eye and they shared a moment of understanding. They knew each other's looks so well by now that neither needed to say a thing.

"Richard, did that even happen?"

"Yes, it did. Well, at least that's how I envisioned it. I really was on my knees and they really were going to kill me. The next thing I knew there was gunfire and then they were all dead on the ground. Even Henri. When I looked up, they were all just lying there and I was alone."

"Alone? But then who shot them all? Did they try to kill each other for the money?" Martha was struggling to put the pieces together.

"Well, I thought I was alone because at first, I couldn't see anyone else. But then he was there. He just walked up to me, out of the mist. I tried to reach for a gun. I thought he was going to kill me too, but he didn't. And then I recognized him." He looked at Beckett. "He was the guy in the sketch, the guy from the farmhouse. He tried to get me to go with him, said we weren't safe there but I wasn't about to go anywhere with him until he told me what was going on. And that's when you called."

"That's where you were?" Beckett looked back at him in shock. "All I heard was you said you were glad I called, and then the phone went dead. I tried to call you back but it just kept ringing and no one picked up. I wasn't even sure you heard me."

"I did, but it barely registered before he grabbed the phone from my hand and shot it into pieces."

"He shot your phone?" Kate looked at him bewildered.

"Yeah. Said that's how they were tracking me. How they knew where I was."

"So what did you do?" Alexis asked, her voice small and timid.

"Well, I got in the car and went with him."

"Richard, you went with this madman who had just gunned down all those men? What were you thinking?" Martha admonished.

"Well, let's just say he made some valid arguments." Rick answered cryptically.

* * *

_"You expect me to trust you?" Rick asked incredulous at the man's gall, but still reeling from what he had just witnessed._

_"You're still alive aren't you?" he replied casually. Then, "What are you going to do? Stay out here in the woods with all the dead guys?"_

Yeah, damned right I was getting in that car.

* * *

"So you just got into the car with this killer?" Martha couldn't fathom why he would do such a thing.

"No, mother, I got into the car with my father." He paused for a moment to let the words sink in again. "I didn't know it then, but it was my father who saved me. He introduced himself as Jackson Hunt, but in the next breath told me that wasn't his real name. I didn't find out he was my dad until later. He had pictures of us," he looked at Alexis tenderly. "He's been keeping track of us, had childhood pictures and newspaper clippings and...he read my books." Rick smiled a little at the memory. Finding out the man was his father had been a shock, but at the same time, it seemed to fit.

"Richard, are you sure it was him?" Martha spoke quietly. Rick found it unsettling to hear her so unsure. She seemed all of a sudden fragile and hesitant, not the flamboyant, confident, over the top woman that she usually was. He had had time to come to grips with Hunt being his dad, but Martha was clearly reeling from the news.

He turned to face her and took both her hands in his. "Yes, Mother, I'm sure."

"And you said he works for the CIA?"

"Yes. He said that night you had together, he was at the end of a mission, he thought he was done, out. But then things went wrong and he had to run. He said it was a year before he was even back in the US, before he found out about me. But he didn't want to jeopardize our safety by contacting us."

Rick gave his mother time to let the news sink in. Maybe this wasn't so simple after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, thank you to everyone who has favorited, followed and reviewed! I'm so glad you liked the first chapter. You're all wonderful :)**

**So, this chapter is pretty much AU. I recently watched Target and Hunt (again!) and noticed for the first time that Hunt says he was working on a job at the UN (at least I think that's what he said...it's kind of muffled and brief) which would imply that he was in New York when he and Martha met. I had already researched and written this chapter thinking we didn't really know where it happened, so I've decided that in fact, he never said that...cause that's not how I wrote it (hence AU). I hope you like my version and see it as plausible. The more I read it the more I actually love the story I came up with...I just LOVE writing Martha!**

**All historical information is as accurate as I could make it from the research I did. I'm a bit of a history buff, so this was pretty fun for me to write. Hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Castle except for my feelings of love and respect for the cast and crew.**

* * *

"Alexis?" Kate looked to the young girl still resting her head on her father's arm. She looked exhausted. "Could you come and help me make some tea?"

She looked up at the detective, then over to her father. Alexis hesitated, clearly not wanting to let him go, yet perceptive enough to recognize that Kate felt her dad and gram needed some time alone.

"It's okay honey." Castle reached down and placed a gentle kiss in her hair. "We'll be right here." Castle knew it would be a long while before his daughter would let him out of her sight.

At the US Embassy in Paris, they had been offered separate rooms. But even though they were adjoining, and the door had stayed propped wide open between them, Castle had awoken in the night to find Alexis cuddled up next to him. He'd placed a strong, protective arm around her and fallen asleep again to the sound of her gentle snoring. They had both been roused from their fitful slumber several times through the night, the darkness of the room and their dreams overpowering their subconscious. But each time, one or the other had squeezed just a little tighter, giving them the comfort only a father and daughter could share, allowing them to return to sleep.

Alexis stood, still hesitating, but finally relented when Kate held out an arm to take her gently by the shoulders. They walked together to the kitchen, Alexis huddling just a little closer to Kate than she typically would.

Castle returned his gaze to his mother who was still sitting in silence. He lifted up her hand from her lap and gently squeezed, trying to rouse her from the wanderings of her mind. "Mom?" he questioned quietly, hoping not startle her. Finally she looked up at her son, but the look she gave him was not the disconcerted expression he was expecting.

"You know, I always wondered what took him away that morning." Martha looked at him with shining eyes, a twinkle of mischief in the background. Castle returned her smile, waiting for her to continue. "We had one glorious night. But you know that. I've told you that. But here's something you don't know. I was awake when he slipped away." She smiled, a knowing look in her eyes as she remembered that day.

"You were? Did you say anything to him?"

"Something had roused him from his sleep," she continued, not really hearing his question. "I don't know what, maybe his Spidey-sense was tingling," Martha finally acknowledged her son with a wink. "But he woke with a start and sat straight up in bed. I don't think we had finally closed our eyes that long before so I wasn't fully asleep yet anyways." Martha turned her head, staring off into space, remembering that time more than forty years ago.

Castle, for once, did his best to sit quietly. He could tell his mother wanted to share the story with him, and he wanted to hear it. Despite his million questions, he let her talk. He knew that just like he did, Martha liked to set the scene and give - what did she call it? - right, _dramatic flare_, to her performance. And with Martha, Castle knew it really was a performance. She told stories like she was acting them out on a stage, her whole being absorbed in the characters she was describing, body moving in time and flow with the emotions she wanted to convey. When she really got going, Castle had always found her to be mesmerizing.

"I just lay there quietly. At first, I thought he just needed a drink, or to use the facilities, you know? But he moved almost stealthily - I could barely hear him - into the other room, and turned on the television. I could see the glow from the screen reflecting off the walls as he flipped channels for a minute. And then, just as quickly, the light vanished. He padded softly back to the room and sat on the edge of the bed. I wanted to roll over and put my arm around him, you know, to comfort him. I knew something was wrong and I felt such a strong connection to him, but I also could sense that it wasn't my place, so I just waited."

Martha paused here, remembering the details. Castle could see by the look on her face that something had just come to mind that she wasn't expecting.

"Mother? What is it?"

She looked back at him distractedly but smiled. "I just thought of something that I hadn't remembered before now. It didn't make sense at the time so I guess I just dismissed it."

"What is it?" Castle's curiosity was getting the better of him and he couldn't help but try to prod her along.

"He picked up the phone and dialed. There were no cell phones back in those days, no email or text messaging. The hotel suite we were in only had the one phone in the bedroom. It was sea foam green, with a rotary dial - quite fancy in those days," she smiled pointedly at him as she considered just how much things had changed in her lifetime. And although she knew her son was well aware of the changes too, she wanted to give her story scope. She truly believed it was the little details like this that allowed the audience to fully appreciate the motivations that drive a character. The details were important.

"I thought it was strange at the time," she said, returning her thoughts back to the phone call. "He picked up the phone and dialed, and for the longest time he just listened. It seemed strange that he wasn't saying anything. I thought maybe he was just letting it ring and ring and no one was picking up. It was the middle of the night, you know. Maybe they were sleeping? I was just about to tell him so when he finally spoke."

"What did he say?" Castle sat in rapt attention on the edge of his seat.

"Phoenix."

"What?" Castle asked, confused.

"Phoenix, he said phoenix. You know, like the bird?" Martha sounded almost frustrated at having to explain what a phoenix was.

"Yes, I know what a phoenix is Mother, but what does it mean?"

"Oh. Well, I don't have the foggiest. This is the first time I've even thought of that phone call since that day. I had completely forgotten about it. I guess it must be some kind of code word or something. If he really was, _is_, an agent with the CIA, then I guess that would make sense. But I never thought of it at the time."

"Code word..." Castle whispered under his breath, more to himself than anyone else. He thought about what he knew of the CIA from his time with Sophia. Phoenix could be his father's code name, he mused. Or it could be a distress signal. Didn't Hunt say he found out that things had gone south and he'd had to leave suddenly? Phoenix, like he'd been burned.

_And now he had risen from the ashes_, Castle thought. _Damn, that's poetic._

"Did he say anything else? Did you hear a voice on the other end of the phone?" Castle asked his mother, hoping there were more clues, more he could work with, more pieces for the puzzle that was his father's life.

"Nada. He just returned the phone to the cradle, took a deep sigh, and left. And I never saw him again." Martha waved her hand dismissively.

"And you didn't say anything to him before he left?"

Martha looked at her son closely now. She could hear the disappointment in his voice, she sensed his need for more information, and was beginning to feel that need for herself too. As much as she had always dismissed that night as a brief moment of love and passion, there had also always been just the hint of wonder about him. Martha had never been angry with Hunt for leaving. These things happened, and she had loved him so completely when they were together that she had always believed it was simply fate.

"No. Not a word. I could sense that he didn't really want to leave. That sigh spoke volumes. And as he got up from the bed and walked out of the room, there was real purpose to his stride. So I let him go. Even though I knew I would never see him again."

From her years of experience, Martha knew that sometimes people came into one's life for a short time, sometimes long, but always with purpose, always for a reason. She had resigned herself to the idea that Jackson Hunt, or whatever his name was, was just one of those who had come into hers for a short time. He had come to give her one beautiful night, and one beautiful son, and then he was gone. It was almost disconcerting to her now to learn that in fact he had been a part of their lives all this time, whether they had known it or not. She never thought that he would re-enter their story because she didn't realize that he had known about Richard. But here he was, not only saving her son's life, but her beloved granddaughter's too.

And now, for the first time in over forty years, she wished she could see him again.

Just then, Kate and Alexis returned with a tray filled with tea and toast and jam. As Alexis served her grandmother, Kate looked to Rick hoping that their timing was okay. She didn't want to interrupt his time with his mother, but she could only stall Alexis for so long. And the girl had been anxious to return to her father's side.

Rick looked up at Kate with an interesting expression on his face. He looked at once perplexed, and thoughtful, but through it all shone the love that he had for her and the relief that they were together again. She smiled genuinely at him as he moved to stand with her.

"You okay?" she asked, taking him in her arms.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Martha?"

"She'll be okay. She's processing."

Kate leaned her head on Rick's broad chest and watched Martha and Alexis fix their tea with milk and spread jam on their toast. They were the spitting image of each other, their movements so alike, and it made Kate wonder, just for a brief moment, if she and Rick had kids one day, whether they would be like her mother.

"Hey, you okay?" Castle asked her, sensing a change in her posture as he held her close.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just thinking." Kate knew this wasn't the time to be thinking about her own mother and the challenges that Kate faced every day, living without her. But, her own family's tragedy was a reminder, like this one had been, that they needed to live every day to the fullest, they needed to make the most of the time they all had together.

"Martha?" Kate suddenly thought of something she'd always wondered.

"Yes dear?" Martha looked up from her toast and smiled.

"How did you meet...um...Rick's father? He never told me that story."

Rick pulled Kate just a little bit closer. She seemed to have taken over from him on keeping things light today. It was like she knew he'd be off his game and was stepping up to make sure that everyone had something positive to focus on when the heartbreaking details of Alexis' abduction got to be too much.

"Oh, well, that's a wonderful story. Sit down, you two, and have some tea and I'll tell you all about it." While Rick and Kate sat, Martha moved to the edge of her seat and started to set the scene for her brief, but memorable, love story. "It was the summer of 1968. And I had just moved to Berkeley."

"Wait, Martha? You lived in California?" Kate asked surprised. "I thought you always lived in New York."

"Oh, well, my dear, the life of an actor takes you to many different locations. You know, I have done summer stock in small towns across America. I even once performed in a circus tent in Lambertville, New Jersey. The life of an actor is never dull." Martha punctuated her statement with a dramatic flourish of her hands. Everyone smiled back at Martha as she continued her tale, each thinking that her unique enthusiasm and zest for life were so endearing and made her so beloved by all who met her.

"This particular summer though, I had been invited to work in a new troupe, at the Berkeley Repertory Theatre. You may have heard of it. I hear that Jean-Luc Picard himself, _Sir Patrick Stewart_, will be performing there this summer. It's become quite the renowned theatre. But then, it was just starting out. It was the first year of productions and they had done a few plays to some lovely reviews. But the summer of 1968 was promising to put this little theatre on the map. I was cast as Cecily in _The Importance of Being Earnest._"

Martha looked around the room, expecting impressed looks from those three who were probably her most adoring fans. She was not disappointed.

"But then, just as we were about to begin our run, _The Battle of Hamburger Hill_." Martha's voice took on an appropriately low ominous tone. "And then that dreadful edition of Life Magazine, published with all those pictures of American casualties, most of which had not even been taken during that battle, but it definitely got people's blood boiling."

"Mother, what does the Vietnam War have to do with this?" Castle asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Well, my dear, all of that led to the town of Berkeley, particularly the remaining university students who hadn't left for the summer, demanding the opportunity to protest. It was eventually decided that the town would close down Telegraph Avenue on July 4, 1968 to allow the hippies and radicals and whomever else wanted to participate, to gather in the street for a peaceful protest. It was on this day that I met your father."

A long pause settled as Castle sat back to consider this new information. He had only heard the part of the story that took place sometime after his mother had met his father. This was all new to him and was not exactly what he had expected to hear.

"Gram, you were at a protest?" Alexis spoke up in the silence.

"Well, I wasn't supposed to be. But they cancelled our performance that night so we had a rare day off. Some of the cast and crew wanted to go to the rally and they dragged me along with them. I was hoping to spend the day in San Francisco. I'd heard that they put on a dazzling fireworks display on the fourth and I wanted to see what kind of trouble I could get into in the big city." Martha's eyes twinkled and her tone suggested exactly what kind of trouble she was looking for.

"Gram," Alexis groaned. And blushed.

"What? A free day off was a rare thing kiddo, something not to be wasted. I just wanted to have a good time and I took advantage of every opportunity."

"Some things never change." Castle quipped dryly.

"I..." Martha started to address Rick's joke but waved him off and continued her story.

"Well, there we were, right in the middle of Sproul Plaza on the UC Berkeley campus, when things turned...well, a bit frantic, really. I don't know how it all started but the next thing I knew a small group of people had started a real melee right near where we were sitting. More and more people got involved and it turned into a brawl right before our eyes."

"Gram what did you do?" Alexis' eyes were bright and wide, concern mixed with intrigue bringing her to the edge of her seat.

"Well, I ran. Or at least I tried to. But there were just too many people. I found myself pinned against a tree, unable to move. The bodies were crushing in around me and I really was starting to worry for my safety. I had no idea how I would ever get out of there." Martha paused and looked at her audience. She had them just where she wanted them.

"And then, he was there. Standing in front of me," she looked at Castle and smiled. "My knight in shining armor. Or at least in jeans and a white t-shirt. The most handsome man I had laid eyes on. He took my hand, said 'Come with me' and started to guide me through the throngs of people rushing in to take part in the fight. He cleared the way and we ran and ran. Sure we were bounced around a bit, and at one point, we were even torn apart from each other. But somehow, he managed to get back to me before I had been thrown around too much. He put his arm around my waist and took my hand and we pushed through the crowd. Finally after what felt like hours, we made it to the other side of campus. I'm sure it was only fifteen minutes, but it felt like forever."

"Wow, Martha, that's incredible." Kate sat shaking her head in wonder.

"Gram, you could have died," Alexis gasped. "And he saved you. That's so romantic."

"Well that was just the beginning. When we finally stopped and had room to breathe, he let go of my arm. He said, 'You should be safe now,' Then he smiled at me and turned to walk away."

"What? He walked away? But Gram, how did...?"

"Now, now, patience my dear." Martha patted her granddaughter gently on the hand then continued her story. "I knew there was something special about this man, and he _had_ just saved my life, and as I said he was rather a handsome fellow, so there was no way I was just going to let him walk away like that. No sir-ee. I reached out and grabbed his arm and spun him around and kissed him."

Castle, Beckett and Alexis all gasped out in surprise.

"No way Gram!"

"Martha!"

"La la la la la...I can't hear you...la la la..." Castle had immediately pulled his hands up to cover his ears like a little kid being told there was no Santa.

"Oh, Richard, really. You've heard and seen far worse from me." Martha said annoyed by his antics.

"Don't remind me. Please." Castle swallowed thickly remembering a time when he was just entering his teen years. He walked in the front door to find his mother in a rather...private...moment with a gentleman friend, in the living room. Thinking she would be at an audition, he had decided to play hooky from school. He never played hooky again.

"Anyways, I kissed him and when we finally broke away, we just stared into each other's eyes for the longest time. Then he took my hand and said 'Let's go, kid.' We spent the rest of the night together. We wandered aimlessly for a while, talking about nothing in particular. And finally we found ourselves in a rather seedy part of town by the water. We discovered a lovely little dive bar with a big window and sat watching the fireworks, drinking tequila. It wasn't long before we made our way to a rundown old motel. It was shabby and out of date and falling apart, but as far as I was concerned, it was the Ritz."

"Wow, Martha, that is a wonderful story." Kate smiled at the older woman, happy to have learned something new about her. Though as Kate thought about it, the story was perfectly in character with what she'd already known of the woman. But she still felt more connected to Martha now, than before. This whole experience had drawn the two women closer in just a few short days than they had gotten in the four years that they'd known each other.

"Gram, that is so romantic. He saved your life, then you kissed, then you fell in love. What happened next?"

"Next?" Martha and Rick passed a look to each other at Alexis' question. "Well, you know the rest dear," Martha finally said hesitantly. "I woke the next morning and he was gone. And I never saw him again."

Alexis sat back disappointed. She knew that was the ending to the story but for some reason, she had hoped that this time it might turn out differently.

"Oh, darling, don't look so sad. I'm not upset about it all. I've said before that in that night, we loved a lifetime, and I really meant it. But sometimes in life, the timing just isn't right, and you have to just appreciate the moments you have, because ones that special don't come along very often."

Martha slid over and put her arm around the girl's shoulder and squeezed. Alexis brightened at the sentiment.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: When I read my stories back as I'm editing, I try to really put myself into each of the characters to see if the words match the emotions I'm trying to evoke. At the end of this one, I got myself so into it that I actually teared up and then felt a chill ripple through me. I guess that means it's done :) Hope you like it.**

**This chapter I'm dedicating to supermandy77 in anticipation of our girl time this coming weekend. And to my BFF (you know who you are!) for helping me work through so many difficult situations over the years, as Kate is trying to help Alexis here. You're the absolute greatest ever!**

* * *

"Kate? Can I ask you something?" Alexis stood leaning against the cold hard steel of the refrigerator, her distracted eyes cast downwards.

"Sure," Kate looked up from where she was drying the last of the breakfast dishes. It had been a challenging morning for them all as they started to unpack the details of the previous few days and Kate could see how heavily everything she had been through was now weighing on Alexis. Kate put the drying towel on the counter and turned to give Alexis her full attention. It was clear there was something specific she wanted to ask only Kate.

"You've been in a lot of dangerous situations right?" Alexis started hesitantly. Her eyes briefly caught Kate's before returning to stare unfocused at the floor.

"Yes." Kate replied simply. She knew Alexis well enough now to know she needed to be patient and let the girl voice her concerns in her own time. Kate also knew from her experience with therapy that pushing someone to share would only cause them to clam up more.

"Have you ever been held captive?" Kate thought back through a number of times she had been held against her will. The image of being handcuffed to Castle while a Bengal tiger circled them hungrily flashed into her mind.

"I have. A few times," she replied simply. There were certain things about her job that she wasn't comfortable sharing. Kate presumed that Castle had likely told Alexis about a lot of the experiences he'd had since he started working at the Twelfth Precinct, but she knew that Alexis was not her father, and how she worked through her captivity in Paris would be very different from how he dealt with the tiger. And hearing about adventures from Castle was more like hearing him explain the plot of a movie. There was a fair amount of sensationalizing and, as he liked to call them, creative liberties, in his stories. A smile touched Kate's lips as she thought that she wouldn't be surprised at all if Castle had made himself out to be the hero of most of the stories he told about his last four years working with the NYPD.

Alexis shifted uncomfortably as she weighed her words carefully. Although Kate had tons of questions, she wanted to give the girl enough freedom to feel like she wasn't being interrogated, so she waited. At the same time, Kate knew this kind of conversation was not one of her strengths and her brow furrowed as she wondered just how she could really help Alexis. She loved and respected her and she was so glad to have been getting to know her better since she and Castle had officially started dating, but for Kate, dealing with her own emotions was still challenging enough. Helping to console someone else over theirs was another matter entirely, and not something she felt comfortable doing.

But she also knew this conversation was inevitable - they all had a lot of emotions to work through, and they were all going to need to rely on each other for help. Kate knew she was in a unique position to be able to help Alexis process some of what she had been through in a way that her father and grandmother couldn't, but it didn't make her feel any better about having the conversation. So she waited, postponing the inevitable.

After a long pause, Alexis took a deep breath and lifted her eyes to meet Kate's. She held them, searching for something. Finally, Alexis knew she couldn't keep her thoughts in any longer and the words tumbled out quickly, almost one on top of the other. "How did you feel? I mean, were you scared? Did you fight back?"

Kate smiled at Alexis. These were questions she knew she could answer. Alexis wasn't looking for Kate to sugar coat her responses. She wanted the truth, and Kate knew from the look on her face that she was ready to hear it. That she needed to hear it.

"I think each time was different in a way. The circumstances, the surroundings, the reasons were all different, so my thought process was always different." She paused briefly considering her experiences before continuing. "But I think in a way, each situation was the same too. At first, I would try to figure out how I could have let myself get into that situation. What had I done that I shouldn't have? What did I not do that I should have? I think it's really normal to sort of blame yourself for what has happened. It's part of the psychology of a kidnapper too. They want to put you off your game, make you question yourself, in the hopes that it will dampen your spirits. If you're angry at yourself or you feel defeated by your situation, then you're more likely to give up and not fight back. That's what they want." Kate looked at Alexis, trying to determine if what she was saying was helping or not.

The fact was that the psychology of the kidnapper was integral to how any hostage situation would play out. Their power over their victim was part of the thrill for them - it allowed them to feel something. But Kate also knew that the victim's psychology was just as important. And definitely more so in terms of working through the experience, so she continued. "But at some point, I have always come to this realization, and that has always propelled me to act. Then, I would find myself thinking about what I could do to get out of the situation. I'm usually pretty logical in my thinking so I start with the small things, the facts I can see before me, and work my way to the bigger picture. When your father and I were being held by the animal traffickers, we ran through a lot of scenarios and bounced a lot of ideas off each other trying to figure out how we had gotten where we were and then what we could do about it."

There was a shift in Alexis' body that made Kate pause in her response. The girl's eyes had brightened somewhat. A huge win, Kate thought, given all that she had been through in the last few days.

Alexis was surprised by how Kate seemed to be describing her own situation. She and Sara had done just what Kate and her father had, talking out the small details to try to figure out the bigger picture. "We did that too. Sara and me, I mean. Once we woke up, we tried to figure out where we were based on the little things we could see and hear around us. Like we knew we weren't in a basement because the floor below us wasn't solid like concrete. And the building was older because the floor tiles were chipping. And there was no noises like you hear in the city so we thought maybe we weren't in New York anymore."

"That's really good Alexis. A lot of people wouldn't know what to look for. You don't have any training but I think you'd probably make a good detective."

Alexis flashed a look of pride at Kate, but it vanished just as quickly. "I think it's because of my dad. Whenever he's stuck on a scene in a book, we talk it through. So I guess he trained me pretty well." Kate could see that Alexis' confidence was waning and felt the need to bolster it for her.

"Oh, I wouldn't sell yourself so short. It's one thing to sit in your loft in Manhattan and talk about what a scene _could_ look like. It's another entirely to be in the situation yourself and keep your wits about you. It takes a lot of courage to see past the position you're in and the fear of what might happen to you, and actually take action. I'm so proud of how brave you were."

Alexis stood quietly considering Kate's words. Her demeanor changing slightly as her chin rose just a little higher.

_Good,_ Kate thought. At least she could help Alexis see through the haze of poor self-esteem to the clarity of how grave her situation had been and how strong she had remained.

"They brought us food and water. There were towels and clothes in the room." Alexis looked up at Kate, giving more of the story, a stony expression masking her inner turmoil. She had told her father all of these details, but now she felt strongly about sharing it all with Kate. She knew Kate would understand it in a way that her father didn't.

When Kate didn't respond, Alexis continued. "When they came to get the tray, we tried to talk to them." At this admission, Kate raised an eyebrow. In her mind she was astounded by the bravery of the young woman before her. At the look Kate gave her, Alexis tried to explain. "Sara said her father had made her take some safety training. I guess he's made some enemies in Egypt and he always wanted Sara to be safe. So her father's head of security told her what to do if she was ever kidnapped."

"Really? What did he tell her?" Kate was interested to hear exactly how a likely middle-aged man could relate enough to a teenage girl to teach her how to stay alive in an impossibly dangerous situation.

"Well, it kind of didn't make sense. He said she should try to build a rapport with her captors. And that she shouldn't make eye contact - you know, so she could say she hadn't seen their faces." Kate considered the information. It made some sense, though she knew in the real world it would never work out that simply.

"So what part didn't make sense?" she asked.

"Well, how are you supposed to build a connection with someone if you can't look them in the eye?" Kate smiled at the astute connection Alexis had made. Damn she was smart.

A light laugh escaped Kate's lips as she replied, "That is a really good question Alexis. So what did you do?"

Smiling just a little, Alexis continued. "Well, we went to the door and tried to talk to the guard through the opening, without letting him see us. I introduced us to him, told him our names, asked him what they wanted with us, asked him for more blankets. I tried everything I could think of to get him to respond, but he just kept telling us to push the food tray out. And then something happened and we heard voices and he left. Sara said they were speaking Arabic, so we assumed that we had been kidnapped because of her dad, that they really wanted Sara. I couldn't figure out why they took me too. I guess I just figured wrong place at the wrong time."

Kate was nodding now. "Yeah, we thought it was about Sara too. I think that was really hard for your dad. He kept running through these 'what if' scenarios. 'What if you hadn't gone with Sara that night?' 'What if you hadn't ever met Sara?' 'What if he'd been more okay with you going to Oxford or Stanford?' He really beat himself up over that last one. Eventually he managed to put the entire blame on himself, even though realistically we both knew it wasn't his fault at all."

"Really? He thought that? But it wouldn't have mattered where I went to school. This whole thing was about me, not Sara, so I could have gone to school in China and they would have found me. It wasn't Dad's fault at all." Alexis shook her head and looked over the counter to where her father was sitting in the living room, his head resting on the back of the couch at an angle that suggested he had dozed off.

"But we didn't know that at the time. We thought it was about Sara. Nothing really made sense so he was grasping at straws, trying to find someone to blame. We had no idea who had you - Sara's father couldn't give us much to go on. And you know your father - his mind will always try to write the fiction when he doesn't know the facts."

Alexis smiled knowingly at Kate and they shared a moment of connection. They both knew that was his typical M.O. and Alexis appreciated that Kate could help her to put her father's actions into perspective so easily. It made her glad for her father, to know that he had found someone who understood who he really was, not just who the public eye thought he was.

"So when did you discover that it was me they were really after?"

"Not until after your father left for Paris."

Kate got a steely look in her eye as she thought back to the moment when Martha raced to Rick's office to search his desk drawers, now empty of his passport, when she finally reached him on his cell, when he told her where he was. Kate wasn't sure if he'd ever hurt her more by going without her, without even telling her he was leaving. At first she thought it was a sign that he didn't really trust her, but as she worked through that initial anger and disappointment, she realized that he was actually just putting his little girl first. It made sense to Kate then. He was always going to put Alexis first and if she and Rick were going to make it, she was going to have to fully accept that.

As the hours had dragged on, and more information came to light, Kate had gone through a myriad of emotions, building to the point that she had kicked the chair out from under Doug Stevens' girlfriend. Pauline Degarmo had flown back from the table, nearly hitting the wall, and Kate Beckett had never felt such satisfaction. But they had so little to go on, and Kate knew from experience how quickly that helpless frustration could lead to desperation. She needed to find something, anything, that could help Castle.

After she had broken Pauline, figuratively, and probably literally too, Kate had finally started to calm down. She realized by her actions that she was worried about Castle, but she was even more worried about Alexis. Someone was messing with her family and she was reeling from it. It had taken this terrible act for her to realize just how much Castle's whole family meant to her. Once she came to this realization, she had been able to focus her energy more productively, and she became less and less hurt by Castle's attempts to play hero.

Now it had reduced to a faint hint of a notion that she really no longer felt anymore. She could fully admit to herself that it had taken everything in her not to run after Castle and get his daughter back. She put on a good face for Ryan and Espo, but deep down, she was half a cup of coffee from dropping her gun and shield on Gates' desk and flying to Paris.

"We finally got some new information, some pictures we found at Henson's apartment that made us realize that it was you they had been after all along."

Alexis leaned against the counter and crossed her arms. Her eyes roamed unfocused as she started putting together the timeline of the events leading to her rescue.

After a long pause, Kate voiced a question that had been nagging at her. "Alexis? How did you and Sara manage to escape?"

Alexis looked up and smiled. Kate had seen that devilish smile before. She saw it every time Castle suggested that he 'knew a guy'.

"I picked the lock."

At this admission, Kate's eyebrows raised in astonishment. "You picked the lock? But how did you even know how to do that? Wait, did your dad...?"

Alexis nodded.

"No," Kate shook her head dumbfounded. "Tell me he didn't."

"Yep. When he was doing research for one of his Derek Storm books. He hired a guy to teach him and bought a door so he could practice. He was so excited about it that he taught me too."

Kate looked across the room at Castle's head, which was now completing a series of half-asleep head bobs, suggesting he was fighting the deeper sleep that was trying to overtake him. She laughed at the memory of Castle's eventual success at opening a combination lock on a giant freezer full of chains and knives, despite being handcuffed to each other. He had told her the story then about the safe cracker he'd hired and she wondered if he was the same guy who taught him how to pick a lock.

"I guess it really shouldn't surprise me at this point that he taught you too. How old were you?"

"About ten. I was pretty rusty but Sara had some hair pins so I just had to try. I actually couldn't believe it worked."

Kate just shook her head, amazed at the Castles' ability to make their own luck. It must be genetic, she mused.

"We split up." Alexis said abruptly, bringing Kate out of her reverie. When Kate looked up she found that a dark veil had fallen over Alexis' previously smiling face. She looked haunted, like she was fighting with a memory that she wished she didn't have. "I didn't know if we should, but I figured that if we split up, we'd have a better shot at one of us getting out."

Alexis stared at Kate with such an intensity that the seasoned detective found it hard to maintain eye contact. Alexis appeared to be fighting some internal battle over her actions that day. The tension in the air between them became electric as Alexis finally voiced her real concern. "Kate, what if something had happened to Sara? They didn't need her, it was me they were after. What if they had realized how much trouble she was going to be and just decided she wasn't worth hanging onto anymore? I don't think I could ever forgive myself if something had happened to her."

A sudden stream of tears burst from Alexis' hard blue eyes. She was getting lost in the never-ending maze of 'what ifs' that Kate knew all too well. Without even thinking, Kate threw her arms around the girl and drew her into a fierce hug. Alexis gripped her back with such force that Kate almost couldn't breathe.

"Alexis, you put those thoughts out of your head right now. Sara is fine. She's fine. And thinking like that will not help you to deal with this. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. That's all you could ever ask of yourself. And you should be proud of your quick-thinking and the actions you took. Your dad, Martha, me, we're all so proud of you. Alexis you are truly..."

Kate struggled to find the right word to fully express just how she felt about her. But then, she looked up to find Rick walking quickly towards the two women now huddled together in the kitchen. He wore a look of absolute panic as he tried to figure out just what had led to his daughter's breakdown into tears. As he got closer, the word came to Kate and she spoke it aloud as Rick threw his arms around them both.

"Remarkable."


	4. Chapter 4

"Baby, why don't you go upstairs and take a nap?" Rick finally pulled back to look at his little girl's tear stained face. There were very few times that he had seen her so undone and it worried him to his core that she might never get passed this. "Come on, sleep will do you good."

Alexis looked from her father to Kate as she wiped away the moisture on her face.

"Okay," she said simply, too exhausted both emotionally and from jet lag, to even consider fighting him on it, even though it was barely eleven in the morning. She started to move away, but then reconsidered. She pulled Kate in tightly to her again and squeezed. "Thanks Kate," she whispered quietly, then turned and went up to her room.

Kate stood shell shocked from the conversation she had just shared with Alexis, and the display of emotion she had just felt pouring into her through that embrace. She was pretty sure that she handled herself fairly well during their conversation, especially having no parental training, and hoped it bode well for the many similar discussions the two would likely share as they days progressed. Kate knew Alexis had more to say.

As soon as Alexis was gone from his view, Rick turned to Kate, his eyes flashing with wonder and worry. "Is she okay?" he asked, surprised that he really couldn't read the situation well enough to know that answer for himself. As the days wore on, he was seeing just how out of his depth he was at helping Alexis, and himself for that matter. The idea of finding a therapist for his daughter was now at the top of his list of things to do.

"No. She's..." Kate looked to Rick, not sure what the right words were. She wanted to reassure him that Alexis would make it through this and be the bright smiling kid of old. But she knew she would be lying to him. She had no idea whether Alexis could find her way through the pain and torture she was feeling.

"Kate?" Rick looked at her in surprise. He thought she'd give him the silver lining. She'd been keeping things light all morning when he was unable so he just figured that she would take over for him on finding the positive side of things too. But maybe there just really wasn't one.

Kate moved in closer to him and put her arms back around his waist. Throwing her head on his shoulder she held him tight, and he responded likewise.

"Castle, I want to tell you everything's going to be okay. I want to tell you that she's going to get through this, that we all are. But you told me before not to say something if I wasn't sure, that you'd never forgive me for it if I did and I couldn't make it happen."

Kate trailed off as she remembered the pain and sorrow in his voice on the phone when she had started to console him several days before. She hoped that she would never have to hear that tone in his voice again. It had cut through the phone lines and pierced a wound in her heart as she realized that there was absolutely nothing she could say to make it better.

Castle had always seemed to have a knack for making the worst possible situation seem not quite so bad. On countless occasions she had found her way to the light because he had showed her where it was. It was one of the many qualities in him that she loved and admired because she had no idea how he did it, and she felt completely unable to do it herself. She was the realist, he was the dreamer. She had no misconceptions that they would work any other way.

"Kate, I didn't mean..."

"Yes you did. And you were right. The cop in me knows not to promise things that I can't be sure of. But it was you, it was different. I just wanted to make it all better. But I couldn't then. Just like I can't now."

Castle hugged her tighter. "Oh God, Kate, what are we going to do?"

Kate was immediately touched at his inclusion of her into the decisions he was faced with making. He wanted her advice; he wanted her to tell him how they were all going to get through this, as a family. A family she was a part of.

"We're going to keep talking. All of us. And we're going to be as supportive and loving as we can. We're going to be there for each other whenever it's needed. And we're going to eat ice cream."

Castle looked down at Kate, still in his arms, trying to figure out if he had heard her correctly. He raised his eye brows delightedly when she added, "Lots and lots of ice cream." She smiled up at him and he placed several light kisses on her lips. Maybe she did know how to find a silver lining.

"Kate, can you tell me what you and Alexis were talking about?"

"Nothing you haven't already heard I'm sure. She was telling me about what happened to her and Sara. She's just trying to figure out how to make sense of everything. I guess she thinks maybe I can understand what she went through because I've been through similar situations myself."

Castle looked off to the staircase that his little girl had just ascended wondering why she wasn't telling him these things. "I've been through things like this too," he mumbled sullenly.

Kate reached up and gently placed her fingers on his jaw, guiding his face back to look at hers. "Castle, I know I'm not her mother but –"

"Kate –"

"No, Castle, let me finish." Castle nodded gently, allowing her to continue uninterrupted. "I'm not her mother, but think about how Alexis is more likely to process all of this. Think about the kind of girl she is, the way she tends to deal with things. Who do you think she'll act more like, you or me?"

Castle considered what she had just said. Realizing she was right, he reached up and took one of her hands in his and gently kissed her palm. His eyes softened with appreciation. "I'm so glad she has you. I'm so glad you're here."

Kate smiled. "She'll come to you too, Rick," she said softly. "Just be patient with her. She'll come."

"I know. I just...I just want to fix this. I just want to make it better."

"Rick, this isn't something you can fix. I know you love Alexis and you want the best for her but this is something she's going to have to work through on her own. If you push her, it might backfire. Remember when I came back to work after I got shot and we had that sniper case? You were so wonderful. You gave me the space and time I needed to work through my PTSD on my own. And when you knew I needed help you got Javi to step in and get me back on track."

Castle looked at her surprised. He had listened when Javier told him to wait, to be patient, to give her space, but he didn't realize that she knew he had recruited Esposito to step in when he could see her spiraling out of control.

"Don't look so surprised, Castle," she said, laughing at his expression.

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew. You guys think you're so clever, talking in whispers in the break room, colluding half hidden in the hallways. Give me some credit, Castle. I'm a pretty good detective you know."

"Yeah," he whispered, nodding his head, "a damned good detective."

"Well, my point is that you were patient with me. You let me work through as much as I could on my own and you recognized when I needed help, but you accepted that you couldn't help me yourself. You got me the help I needed and then stepped out of the way. But even though I wasn't leaning on you, I knew you were there if I needed you. I knew you would catch me if I fell."

"I wanted so badly to go to you."

"But you didn't, and that was the best thing you could have done for me then. It's the same with Alexis now. She knows that you're here for her whenever she needs you, so you don't have to hover over her or remind her of that. You don't need to try to do things for her that you're not qualified to do. As much as you'd like to think so, you're not superman. You can't do all things, be all things for her. You just have to be patient and be ready when she comes, and find her the help she needs if you see her spiraling."

"Do you know that I love you very much?"

"I had an idea."

"No, I mean it. I can't imagine my life without you in it."

Kate's breath caught in her throat as she stared up into Castle's eyes. This was the closest they had come to talking about their future since they had started dating. Kate wasn't sure she was ready for this discussion yet, and she also wasn't sure she wanted to hear it in the wake of a tragedy. She knew people tended to get caught up in the fear born of a tense situation, say things without thinking, and then feel regret later at getting locked into something they didn't really want. She didn't want this to happen with them, not now.

"Castle –"

"Look Kate, I know what you're thinking."

"You do?"

"You may think you're special being able to read me and the boys, but I know you pretty well by now too, you know. You're not the only good detective around here."

Kate smiled. "So what am I thinking?"

"You're thinking we've only been dating a few months so it's too soon to be talking about forever. You're thinking that I'm speaking out of fear and some sort of near-death after effects. You're thinking you like things how they are right now and that you aren't ready for anything more than that." Kate stepped back surprised by how well he really did seem to know her.

Taking her silence as proof that he was right, Castle continued. "But I'm telling you Kate, we haven't just been dating for a few months, we've been together for five years. So while I was afraid for myself and Alexis, I'm not speaking from fear of nearly dying. I would be saying this even if none of that had ever happened because this is how I feel. We hid our feelings for so long, and I'm just not willing to do that anymore. But I also think that you're right. You're not ready to deal with this yet and so I'll stop talking about it now."

Kate's eyes had dropped to the floor as Castle spoke, his words clearly hitting the mark. But now, needing her complete attention, he reached down and lifted her chin until her eyes were forced to stare back into his. "But not before I say that this is real Kate. What you and I have is real. And it's not something I take lightly. And it's not something that I am ever going to give up on. So you take all the time that you need to figure this out for yourself because I'm not going anywhere. As long as it takes Kate, I will wait for you."

Kate stood holding him at arms length watching his chest rise and fall from the effort it had taken him to get that speech out. She was struck by the seriousness of his tone, so unlike him that she knew he was being completely honest with her. She found it entirely overwhelming. He had rendered her speechless and her mouth opened and closed trying to form words, but her brain didn't know what they were.

As the panic slowly crept into her eyes, Castle leaned down and took her lips with his. He started slowly, reassuring her that he would be patient. He waited for her to catch up to him, for her brain to stop processing his words, and start reacting to his actions. He pulled her body towards him until their hips pressed together. Gently, he turned them around until her back was up against the kitchen island, and he brought his hands up to her face and carded his fingers through her hair.

Slowly, Kate's mind registered that Castle was pressing his body up against hers. When his lips left hers and ghosted lightly along her jaw, she finally found the strength to attempt words. She barely got out a syllable before he pulled back and placed his finger on her lips.

"Shhh. I said we weren't going to talk about this anymore. Not until you're ready."

"Bu-"

"No, Kate. Not until you're ready."

When Kate again attempted to speak he cut her off once more. "Are you ready, Kate? Are you really ready to have this discussion? Ready to talk about our future? About living together, and marriage, and babies, and maybe a dog...are you ready?"

She stopped and looked at him, the panic choking the words in her throat and creasing her forehead. With his finger still pressed to her lips, she shook her head silently.

"Good. Then stop interrupting me. I'm busy." He reached down again and pulled her into a deeper more passionate kiss. His tongue tickled her lips until the sensation caused them to part. He pressed forward again, tasting her, exploring her mouth, coaxing her tongue to join in the dance.

Once again his lips sought her jaw and trailed soft wet kisses to her ear, her neck and back up again.

"Cas-"

"Kate," he said, almost annoyed at her interruption. "I thought we agreed to no more talking."

"I was just going to say, take me to bed."

Castle looked up at her with disappointment, thinking that he had pushed her too far, that she was emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted, and like Alexis needed a nap. But he saw a twinkle in her eye and the way her tongue jutted out from between her teeth that told him she wasn't tired at all. A smile of understanding grew on his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes, and he swooped down and pressed his lips firmly against hers. Just as quickly, he stepped away, grabbed her hand, and pulled her hurriedly to his bedroom, as she giggled in his wake.

"Now_ that_ we can talk about," he said jokingly.

* * *

"Alexis?! No! Alexis! I can't...where are you? I can't...No...Alexis? Baby, where...oh god Alexis! ALEXIS!" Castle thrashed wildly in bed, tangled in sheets and blankets. His body writhed with fright as he grappled with the demons haunting his dreams.

Kate had been dozing lightly beside him until his tossing and turning brought her to her senses. She looked over in concern at his body, glistening with sweat and frantically grasping for some unreachable goal.

"Castle? Castle wake up. You're dreaming, it's just a dream." She tried calming him with a gentle touch to his shoulder, only to have her hand smacked away defensively as if she was the threat he was fighting.

"Castle," she said with more force. "RICK!" Kate rolled up on her knees and grabbed him by both shoulders, shaking him hard and calling sharply to break through the darkness clouding his dreams.

Like being jolted awake by a deafening thunder clap, Rick lurched forward, springing upright in bed. "Alexis!" he called one last time as the last tendrils of the dream fought to hold their terrifying clutches on his mind.

"Hey, Castle, it's okay. You were dreaming. It was all just a dream." Kate tried to reassure him but he was having none of it.

"No, Kate, it wasn't just a dream. It was a nightmare, but it was real. It happened. To my baby. They took her, right out from under me. They took her away and I had no idea. For a whole day I didn't even know she was gone, and even when I did, I couldn't help her. Kate, I lost her. The most important thing in my life and I just let her...vanish." Castle's eyes roamed frantically around the room as he tried to gain his bearings.

"Castle, you didn't let her vanish. She was taken. They took her and there was no way you could have known. Castle this isn't your fault."

Rick struggled angrily to extricate himself from the tangle of bedding surrounding him. "No, you're wrong. This is entirely my fault."

"How do you figure that?" she asked simply. She could see he was spiraling as he had done when Alexis was first discovered missing. He was inconsolable and the only thing she could think to do was to make him work through his ranting logically. Facts and logic would help him. They had to.

"I let her go off to college, to live in that dorm, to leave."

"Castle," Kate replied softly. They had had this discussion before. "You know Alexis needed to go out on her own. It was time for her to start making her own way in the world." Fact.

"I could have made her stay," he said quietly, knowing the fallacy of his words before he'd even spoken them aloud.

"No, Castle. You know you couldn't have. Alexis was determined to have her space." Fact.

"I could have called her more. I could have gone to see her more." Kate sat silently as Castle worked through what she could only assume were stages of grief. She could see that the guilt was simply eating him alive. They had already had this same conversation days ago, but clearly he wasn't past it yet.

"I could have kept that tracking software on my phone and just told her I'd deleted it," he continued berating himself.

"Castle, do you remember what happened when Alexis found out you even had that app? Do you remember how that turned out? What do you think she would have done if she knew you lied to her about deleting it?" Kate thought back to the day she warned him that spying on his teenage daughter would only end in disaster. She'd been totally right and Alexis had tore a strip off him for it. "Plus, she dropped her phone. You wouldn't have been able to use the app to find her anyways." Fact.

"It's still my fault!" He argued.

"Castle..."

"No. Kate. When I found her vlog, I let her convince me that she could take care of herself, that it wasn't such a big deal even though I knew better. I should have made her take it down, stop posting. Look at what happened because I didn't! They found it and they used it, just like I knew someone would."

Now he was in entering the anger stage. And as much as he was trying blame himself, trying to be angry with himself, he really wasn't.

"Castle, that wasn't you. They didn't find her because of you. They didn't even go looking for her because of you." Fact.

" No, not directly. But it was because of _my_ father Kate. _My_ father. That's on me," he replied stubbornly.

"A father you never met." Fact.

"But my father nonetheless. I should have tried harder to find him. I should have figured out who he was years ago. But no, I had to see it for its mysterious potential. _'If I don't know for sure who he is, then he could be anyone,'_" he said mimicking himself. "God, I was such a fool!"

"Castle, even if you had looked for your father, it's not likely you ever would have found him. He's CIA. He's trained to hide." Fact.

"But I should have _known_ that something like this could happen. I should have expected he was into something dangerous. Who just walks away and never calls? Who does that?"

Kate crawled across his outstretched legs, taking his face in her hands. She leaned forward and kissed his lips with heavy pressure. Short, but strong. When he didn't respond, she pulled back and looked in his eyes, lifted his chin higher until he was forced to stare back at her, just as he had done earlier in the kitchen. Kate leaned in again and pressed one more kiss to his lips before settling back, straddling his lap.

"You are a good man," she said simply.

Castle tried to lower his head. When she refused to let his face drop from her hands, he looked down, avoiding her steely but loving gaze.

"You are a good father, Rick Castle, and this was not your fault." Kate's voice was strong and clear. She was resolved to show him that his feelings and fears about his own competence as a parent were unfounded.

"There was absolutely no way you could have known that this would happen. No way you could have planned for it, or prevented it. No way that you could have done anything that would have changed your father's enemies from the course of action they took. This is not your fault."

Castle closed his eyes and let his shoulders slump forward. He cocked his head slightly to the side and let his cheek rest in the palm of her hand. She gently caressed his other cheek with her free hand and ran her fingers through his hair.

When he didn't speak, she continued. "You are a good father, Rick. Maybe the best. And it's probably the reason why I first fell in love with you. You take such good care of your little girl. You have been a selfless and loving dad, and you have raised a wonderful daughter. You have no reason to feel guilty. You have no reason to blame yourself. And you have no reason to doubt who you are or what you have accomplished as a father."

Castle reached forward with both hands and gently rubbed Kate's thighs. Her words were breaking through the self-doubt and fears that had built up inside of him. He knew what she said was the truth but he was at such a loss for how to deal with his daughter's kidnapping that he was allowing himself to force blame where it didn't belong. Now that his father's enemies were dead, there was no one to direct his anger towards.

He sighed quietly, finally looking up into her eyes. The strength and pride he found in them expressed as strong a sentiment to him as his words had to her when they stood together in the kitchen. It made him smile as he realized fully that even though she wasn't ready to talk about their future, she knew their future would be together. She loved him just as much as he loved her. He leaned in and kissed her, bringing his arms around her waist and pulling her body flush to his.

"Tell me the part again where you said I'm the best dad."


End file.
